If you had kids, would you go through their things?

This is a topic that's going on in another forum. I was wondering:

Would you go through your kids things?


My answer:

If I had kids, yes. BUT (make sure you read this part if you disagree), I would NOT use my findings for an excuse to punish, beat, scream, yell, etc., etc., at my kids.

 

Yes :lol: But don't be sexist when you punish them... Girl or boy they should be punished. Im not going to go into much but Yes I would punish them and go through there stuff :lol: but I would also tell them that I will go through there stuff one day so they won't be tempted to leave something there

 

So you would go through their stuff AS A PUNISHMENT or punish them after going through their stuff? I'm a little confused.

 

I would and have gone through my brother's belongings. He's been suicidal and had a dependency on drugs. I only found out by going through his stuff. If you do, they will get angry with you, but in the end you won't look back and say that you didn't do anything to help.

 

No, I value integrity and privacy too much to do anything of the sort.
However, if I was putting clothes in their drawers, looking for a pencil to borrow etc. and found drugs, I would have a talk with them and just tell them to be cautious.
If I found a handgun or weapon of some sort, I would have confront them with it and give them a serious punishment.
But I wouldn't look through their things in any other case.

To be honest, I'm a bit disappointed with people here.
There seems to be a lack of value for integrity and domestic violence seems to be okay.
Oh well, I'm not the one to judge others. :/

 

I'm with Virre on this one. I would never want to be "that parent" that gives their kid no privacy. That's shows a complete lack of respect. If the kid knows you respect him and his privacy, then he'll respect you in turn, which includes being honest and following rules that are set. There won't ever be a need to go searching through his stuff in hopes of finding something incriminating. What kind of example are you setting for your kids if you do that?

 

hehe this is a good question

i would say no.... because i used to get SO pissed when my parents would go through my stuff.... once they even found a bottle of vodka hahahaha

but seriously.... i am nosey.... and i know it

so i probably would.... but if I found something it would be hard for me to decide what to do...

 

I would go through there stuff and punish them for something if I found it but I would let my kids know that they are not living on there own and there privacy isn't something that im not going to break. Because im not going to have my kid doing something I don't want them to do... My girlfriend had a family member kill themselves with a gun the parents didn't know they had.... Well that would have been prevented. They might hate you RIGHT now but in the future they will thank me <3

 

I, personally, have always thought that persons privacy should be treated with complete respect and going through someone's things is very disrespectful. Especially a child's when they need room to grow and learn and believe that they're room is a safe place to keep anything private that's important to them. I think snooping is a breach of trust- if I ever found out someone went through my room, regardless of whether there was anything private in there I would distrust them for a long time afterwards. Imagine the damage that could cause in your relationship with a child? I wouldn't risk it!

 

I agree with Chocolate whole-heartedly on this - a person, no matter their age, should never feel like they don't have a safe, private place to be. My brother was constantly getting in trouble and my folks searched his room on a consistent basis. This inspired them to do the same to me, which never accomplished anything other than making me feel betrayed and disappointed that they couldn't trust me enough to keep their hands out of my belongings. After years of this, it damaged the relationship I had with them so much that I ended up moving away several years early. After a three-year hiatus between us, I've moved back and since then they've been much more respectful of my things - surprisingly enough, we now get along incredibly well.
There are much easier and more caring ways to confront issues like drugs, alcohol and weapons, and it's not entirely unexpected that a kid is going to experiment with all three of those within their life and never need to be saved from themselves.

 

well i would if i notice something suspicious or if i had to clean up for them =P

 

I definateally would because you never know what you will find...but i wouldent punish them for my discoveries because i just think that kids will be kids and who cares if i find siggaretts or alchole of porn...ill remember when i was thier age.

 

Hmm, interesting answers..


Who's to say you HAVE to tell your kids you're going through their things?

I mean, besides one person (I think), no one is punishing their kids for their findings, right?

I wouldn't let my kid know I was going through their things and I sure as hell wouldn't toss their room into finding something that may or may not be there..

Maybe I should elaborate my answer more: I wouldn't go snooping in every knick and corner to find something that may or may not be there.

I wouldn't tell my kid that I went through their room, nor would I tell them I found something. They wouldn't even know, so the whole trust thing doesn't apply if they don't know. And if one time I did accidentally forget to put something where I found it, why would they automatically jump to the conclusion that I've been snooping in their room for years or so?

 

To me, that's just beside the point.
If you can't trust your kids without them having to done something for you to lose that trust, you should consider if you're a good parent or not.
You can't excuse yourself and say that you did it for the good of your kids, because if you aren't going to confront them if you find something, you're just doing it to satisfy your curiosity.

 

I didn't say I wouldn't approach them..

Let's say I find some condoms. Instead of telling them that I found their stash, I would just sit them down and have a sex talk with them.

I think there's a difference between "confronting" and "approaching" in this sense. Confronting kind of comes off as an automatic problem (confront = confrontational). "I'm going to go confront my friend about her backstabbing me." While approaching is a less confrontational thing. "I'm going to go approach my friend about her backstabbing me." There's a difference.

I think the only time I would "confront" my kids is if I had a talk with them about drugs and I consistantly found more and more drugs and their behavior has been changing.

 

Its not just a lack of integrity, and domestic violence is way off. Thats abuse, if this is for their protection, then its good. As for integrity, if the child doesn't have the integrity to not do drugs and not bring a handgun to school, then we should prevent it. If your child shoots another kid at school, they will wonder why you weren't responsible and why you aren't doing your job as a parent.

Privacy is good, but total privacy can lead to problems. If your child doesn't have anything to hide then they wouldn't mind. If the government wasn't listening in on us, you know how many crimes there would be committed and not prevented? tons.


I don't check them every single day, maybe when they are being suspicious or strange. I don't make it about distrust, i make it about safety. I'm not going to find out that my brothers or sisters are on drugs and they need rehab. I'm gonna make sure that they don't do drugs in the first place. Last week my brother was asked to pitch in to supply alcohol to 14 year olds. I only found out because he was being suspicious and asking for a large sum of money. Well since i'm paying for his cell phone I have the right to listen to the voice mails. If your parents are paying for your room and board, they have the right to go through your stuff until you are 18 or legal of age. Sorry, children in the US (1 don't have rights beyond humanity rights and child services laws. They get privileges that they need to earn.

 

Yes....If I REALLY thought it was necessary...
MY house, MY rules
But I don't think my relationships with my kid(s) would ever be that dismal where I can't just ask them something? Hmm. I'm 16 now, and my parents have never really went through my stuff-

 

I wouldn't grow up thinking in those type of terms.
People who think like that develope narcissistic tendancies. "My this. My That.. it's all mine. mine mine mine."



As for the phone, I don't think I would listen in, on a conversation or a voicemail. My dad did that to me, and I told him to get the cake off, and he said "yeah yeah okay" and i walk down with the phone and he's caking sitting on the couch listening to my caking conversation. That's very caking over the line, right there.

Plus, that also invades the privacy OF THE PERSON YOU'RE ON THE PHONE WITH. So unless he had permission from the other parents, he has no right to listen in on other people's conversations.

 

...Okay, so let your kids do whatever the hell they want?
Guidelines need to be established .. and I most definitely fail to the Narcissistic tendency in
'MY House, MY Rules' ...