Out in the fields, where the crickets speak. I lie on the ground, and have grass prick my feet. Then I look up into the sky, and float up like a butterfly. As I go higher, I feel safer and secure. I look to my right, and see spirit's dancing. Then I close my eyes, and smell the taste of the hamburger’s fathers making. So I open my eyes, and to my surprise, I wasn't in a field, or in the sky, but looking into my mother’s eyes. Looking for Punctuation, Spelling, Coherence and Unity mistakes.
Kinda fix'd. I'm tired. I wouldn't start the sentences with "Then", it sounds better and flows better without it imo. Just the order in which you wrote it implies these things are happening in that order.
Ah. This is what I do for a living (half of the time anyway), so if you have additional questions or need further feedback, feel free to elaborate. My commentary is in blue. Your original writing rhymes, so I don't know if it's more important to you to maintain the rhythm/flow, or to be grammatically correct. It would be useful to know what kind of writing this is (creative, descriptive, fiction, non-fiction, etc.) in order for me to provide better feedback. But roughly, this is the least obtrusive editions I can make: (When editing, I always try not to change too much of the original writing unless requested by the writer.) Out in the fields, where the crickets sing [crickets are usually described as "singing" or "chirping" or "harmonizing," not "speaking." It's just an idiomatic expression.], I lie on the ground, the grass prickling my feet. I look up at the sky and soar like a butterfly [butterflies don't "float," they fly]. As I go higher, I feel safer and more secure. To my right, I see the spirits dancing [spirits of what? animals? humans? butterflies? Why would seeing spirits make you feel safe and secure? Error in logic/transition here]. When I close my eyes, I can smell and taste the hamburgers of my father's making, but when I open my eyes, to my surprise, I wasn't in a field, or in the sky, but looking into my mother’s eyes [Error of parallelism: you have "in a field," then "in the sky," but then, "looking into my mother's eyes" (so prepositional phrase, prepositional phrase, then verb... they simply don't match].